Losing your partner, the person you love and maybe planned to spend the rest of your life with, is one of the worst pains imaginable.
The shock may leave you reeling in disbelief, and then the weeks, months and years that follow will be a difficult, painful journey through the many ups and downs of grief.
However, there may come a point after your partner dies that you feel ready to be intimate with someone again.
This may be a purely physical, sexual thing, or maybe you find yourself falling for someone with a deeper, emotional connection. When this happens is different for everyone. There is no ‘right’ amount of time to wait before connecting with somebody new. And meeting a new person or having sex with someone else doesn’t mean you are no longer grieving, or care any less about your loved one.
However, having sex with somebody new after your previous partner has died inevitably throws up complex and challenging emotions.
‘Loss changes you and grief takes you to unknown places where the future feels uncertain,’ says Corinne Laan, a grief specialist and author of The Art of Grieving.
‘The key to embracing a new partner in your life is by getting to know the changed person you have become since the loss. Give yourself the space you need to explore the new you first.’
Corinne believes that even though the life you once had changes forever after loss, you can still live a joyful life.
‘There is no rush to get intimate if you do not feel like it,’ says Corinne. ‘Intimacy with a new partner can take time and in the case of a traumatic loss you may need even more time. Take all the time you need to explore this new relationship.
‘If you do feel sexual desire, embrace the fear and doubts with self-love and compassion. You can still grieve the loss of your partner while embracing this new relationship.
‘Sadness and joy can co-exist.’
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Natalie Morris, The Metro – 24 June, 2022